REFLECTIONS

It's almost year end, less than a month and a half and it will soon be another new year. Time to take stock. what had happened the past few months? One thing I still could not get over is the fact I haved retired .How have this new life style affected me? To be truthful I dont really enjoyed my retired life. sure I have take a short holiday and have less stress ,but I am worried sick, how will I provide for my family, and to sustain my expenses etc. My retirement fund is fast dwindling. I have not been sucessful in getting another job.Let's hope next year will be more promising.
As the title of my blog suggest , I have been searching for that something in my life.I dont think I have found everything I have been searching for but to some extend I have found something .Let's look at some of the things I have discovered.
Friends? I think I have quite a few good ones, from the previous gym I went to.Anne,Irene, clarence, and cindy. Anne is one friend who will not hesitate to meet up with me to have lunch, dinner whenever I called. She have yet to turn me down yet.Irene , of course have joined me on numerous outdoors activities And of course my outdoor buddies.They are just great..Last but not least cindy, for being such a good listener(I think from day one)and time spent together. Thanks dear for putting up with this silly old man. I Do appreciated it.Another friend I would like to mention is Bowgy from Thailand. I was rather surprised when she agreed to meet up when I suggested to her I wanted to visit Bangkok. I had another friend also from Thailand who had earlier indicated she wanted to meet up, but in the end , did a 180 degree turn, and till today I do not know the reason why. of course I was disappointed, and surprised.However I think my greatest disappointment is from someone whom I adored and care for did not show much concern and appear to be lukewarm. I figure I dont exist in her life and felt I have been used. That's gratitude for you folks. It's not that I want any thing from her , but some concern or time spent together would be nice. Surely that is not asking too much? The last incident sadden me greatly. I got blamed ,for what only God knows.Then she broke our date she had confirm earlier, but went with someone else instead.Forget about making appointment, She has to do all her stuff ,while you wait. would she drop everything just for me? I guess I know the answer now.On the other hand I would. Do I feel bitter about the whole thing? No, stupid maybe,but not bitter and certainly no regrets. I have done what I have done and I honestly can say I enjoyed every moments I had with her. How I loved her. ,but I don't expected her to know this.
I have been thinking hard, perhaps it's time to let go and forget about the whole episode and moved on. It is not going to be easy and I am not sure I can handle .Anyway I am thankful for my younger son,Joel who is very close to me since young,never failed to expressed his love for me. Love you too son. His older brother however is less expressive, but I do know he care too. Lastly my lovely wife who have been very caring and understanding and put up with me all this years.In other week ,will be our 28th year together.Thanks Darling for your love too.We had earlier plan to celebrate our anniversay with some friends,but has to cancel it due to the insistance of my wife. refer to my post here.
The other things to reconsider is my on line business. Have not been successful in them,Having failed a couple of times.I think I have to resolved to the fact I may not be cut out for this.
That's about wrap up story of my life.
Good night, hopefully 2010 will be kinder.

Here is a song by the marmalades,title reflection of my life